I used to be an actress
Doing plays out in the lot
Then I became the world's most famous
Female astronuat
My drawings drew the masses
At my one-man woman shows
And I must have saved a thousand lives
With my trusty firehose

But now my hose are stockings
And they run when I go walking
And I can't seem to get my
High heels off the ground

Though my focus is much thinner
I will still be skippng dinner
'Cause I've really got to lose
Those thirteen pounds

It's the systematic dumbing down
Of Terry Constance Jones
She used to be a surgeon
Now she operates the phones
With all her magazines and TV queens
She still feels so alone
It's the systematic dumbing down
Of Terry Constance Jones

Well I played my share of baseball
And I beat the boys at pool
I was smart and silly way before
I found out about bein' cool

Now it seems it's never ending
And my fingernails need tending
And there's no way in hell I'll ever be the
Best
Looking
Back I can't remember
As I gaze at Miss September
My life would be so great
If I just had those
Breasts

It's the systematic dumbing down
Of Terry Constance Jones
She used to be a chemist
Now she wants to be a clone
With all her magazines and TV queens
She still feels so alone
It's the systematic dumbing down
Of Terry Constance Jones

Now boys will be boys
They want toys they can play with
Noise so much noise
Can't hear the voice of yesterday

With all her magazines and TV queens
Lean Cuisines and wrinkle creams
Baywatch Babes and dishonest Abes
Who lie like rugs to get between your legs
And the newest buys that advertise
Blue contact eyes and thinner thighs
And who's the bomb
And Hollywood moms
With their perfect hair
And their own dot coms
And the Howard Stern tarts
We call shock art
And the latest weight loss
Of Calista Flockhart
Perhaps maybe it's not too late
To go resurrect my childhood fate
But that little girl will have to wait
'Cause tonight I've got a real big date
And dammit I'm out of tight white blouses
And besides mother said
People who live in glass houses
Should really not throw stones

It's the systematic dumbing down
Of Terry Constance Jones